माँ के सपने।

पता नहीं माँ हमेशा दो कप चाय क्यों बनाती 

वो अपने अल्मिराह में हर वक़्त जगह क्यों बनाती 

और क्यों कहती है की अपने सपनों को जीना चाहती है

हर दिन खाने पे एक एक्स्ट्रा प्लेट लगाती

रोज़ रात मुझे बिस्तर के बीच मे सुलाती 

खुद एक कोने मे सो जाती है; दूसरे कूने पे

कहती है की अपने सपनों को सुलाना चाहती 

वो अपने सपनों को जीना चाहती है

अखबार कभी नहीं पढ़ती फिर भी मंगाती 

क्या वो अपने सपनों को अखबार भी पढ़ाना चाहती है?

सपना क्या है जब पूछती हु तो रो पड़ती है

और सुबक सुबक कर  कहती है की सपना वही है

जिसे वो बिस्तर के दूसरे कोने पे कभी सुला नहीं पाती

पर मैं उनके सपनों को समझ के भी पूरा नहीं कर पाती

माँ हर वक़्त कुछ तस्वीरों को सजाती

और मैं उन तस्वीरों में सिर्फ माँ को ही पहचान पाती 

दूसरा हमेशा उनका सपना होता 

जिसे मैं समझ के भी पूरा नहीं कर पाती

माँ दो प्यार करने वाले को देख कर थम सी जाती 

और उनकी आँखें मुझे वो सपना दिखा जाती

आँसू के दो बूंद मुझे भी छू जाते 

पर माँ कहती की वो सपने मे भी 

मेरी आंखों में आँसू नहीं देखना चाहती। 

She.

She is different

She doesn’t ask me to praise her

She doesn’t seek help in her life

Because she thinks she is sufficient

She is unusual

She doesn’t show that she cries

She doesn’t tell about the lies

Because she thinks she would hurt me.

She is unpredictable

She shows that she cares

She says she can sacrifice anything

But she is always unfair

She is complicated

She hurts me without intending to

She loves me without me

But I don’t get it

She is difficult

She never tells me the truth

She always ends up with trouble for herself

Because she is dumb

She is impossible

She wants me to understand

She just needs me to love

But she will never tell me why

Strange! She is!

But she hopes not to me.

Love! She does!

But in a way that doesn't get me!

My Dream Boy

I found my dream boy

Yesterday night

He had your face

But he wasn’t you

Because he loved me

He told me

Love is very difficult

Everybody cannot love

So learn to forgive

I forgave you

For leaving me alone

For not loving me anymore

For not keeping up to the promises

For not forgiving me

But I couldn’t forget you

Though my dream boy loved me

He told me I don’t need to forget you

And I got a smile on my face

His words lighted a hope in me

But he meant to say that

I didn’t need to forget you

On the day of our anniversary

Because I had spent one year loving you

With everything I could

Why would I have needed to cry

Yesterday, I needed to celebrate

Just because I have always loved you

Yes he was my dream boy

The type of boy I had always wanted to get married to

But so what? I don't need him.

I am in love with you.

But he made me realise the meaning of love.

Love is not about being loved

It is just about loving.

And now just to let you know

I don’t hate you. I could never.

I still love you more than the yesterdays

Happily, with a real smile on my face.

As I know I will always love you.

I used to say that I can never live without you.

But what do I do if you are still in my heart?

I will never try to kill myself.

Because I fear you sheding tears for me.

I will enjoy my life, do everything I want to.

I need to keep myself happy

Because I have to fulfill some dreams

Which aren’t mine, not even yours

But the ones which are ours.

Yes he was my dream boy, the one who came in my dreams yesterday night.

He loved me but he taught me how to love. You.

Life

It is over. All over again.

And I realize it is all just a game.

No love goes beyond oneself.

Not mine, not yours.

Mistakes committed

Sins confessed 

Been forgiven

But couldn't forgive.

We fall to get hurt.

We get up;

to get hurt again.

This is how life goes.

And this is how the end comes.

Love

You don't need; 

to run away

to go offline.

Seeing me coming to you

you don't need to hide.

I set you free;

As I know I can never be

happy, forcing you to be with me

chasing you to love me.

Because I can never love myself

seeing you unhappy.

I can never forgive myself

seeing you angry.

I can never have myself

seeing you going away.

Baby, you don't need to stand here

thinking you owe anything to us.

As I promise I ll never be a fuss

you can move on in your life 

and I ll move on to what I call life

as you deserve a better life

a better future, and a better wife.

Baby you don't need to be here

thinking you can't live without me

because you will get over me

in a month or three

And if you don't;

come back here.

I ll be still here; loving you

wherever you must be,

needing you to need me,

waiting to see

our hands held together,

hoping to see us smiling

wishing to be forever

in love, moving on to

what I call life.

I Am Tired!

I am tired

Of this struggle

Of getting up early in the morning

Everyday with a harsh tone of the warden

I am tired 

Of everyday struggle

Of the pathetic food here

which never fills up my hunger

I am tired 

Of standing for several minutes

With a heavy bag on shoulders 

In the killing summer for the bus

I am tired 

Of going to college

Searching for familiar faces

To keep me out of the blue

I am tired

Of finding myself

Different from the crowd

And pretending to be same as them

I am tired

In the evening, when I come back

To where I don't know 

Because I don't have a home here

I am tired

But when I reach I can't take rest

Because there are people who need

To find peace in my pain.

I am tired 

Of dreaming to hear some loving words

As here is nobody who understands my pain

Because for all the situation is same.

I am tired

And I cannot be creative

Because nothing in me wants to be creative

As I am simply tired

I am tired

Of laughing hillariously outside my room

Enjoying with mates. because when I am

Back in my room; I lie broken inside

As here is not my home

I am tired 

Of boosting myself up

As the future doesn't care 

If I am happy or sad

It just need efforts. 

But I am not ready to pay efforts

As I am simply tired.

My Real Angel

I have an angel, the real one.

She begot the world for me.

She taught me the words.

She saves me from all the evil eyes.

She bears all the sorrows for my smile.

She loves me, loves me like no other.

She knows the real love, because she knows how to forgive.

She trusts me when everybody turns away from me.

And she knows I will make mistakes,

Because I am still  her little angel.

She knows I will be there to take care of her when she gets old.

For her one million dollar smile; I will let the universe be sold.

When she needs me, I will beget a new world for her.

When she will miss on words, I will remind her the words she taught me.

When she will need a hand to walk, I will lend her one the way she did.

Because I love her, love her forever.

After all she is my mother, the real angel

I Love You Daddy

I don't know how long it has been.

Since I have stopped being keen.

Waiting for the Sunday to come again

Which was the only way to ease my pain

Being away from you

Is something I am used to do

But now when I am with you

I realize how much I miss you

For me when everything is blue

You are someone I can always turn to

Thanks for not just being there

But also making some difference

Though physical presence is not a part

of love; I always know you are right here

Deep within my heart

Right here, so clear.

I am a strong girl

But you are the one who gave me strength

Sometime it gets dull

As every passing moment increases the length

You hear me when I am sad

You bear me when I am bad

You correct me whenever I am wrong

You support me when I start loosing myself all along

Spending these few days with you after a hiatus

I realize all your sacrifices are because your love for us is impetus

God knows what I did in my previous birth

That in form of you- My father, he rewarded me on this earth.

Learning from your life, sacrifices and sufferings.

I realize nothing on this earth is impossible.

With your lessons and blessings

Now for me everything is possible

You are my best friend.

I know you will be there till the end.

You are my inspiration

I say that for your every creation.

You are my God-father

I desire in every life to be your daughter.

I love you with all my heart

I miss you while being apart

For You I Will

Please honey,

Don't you worry!

With you I am always here,

Throw away all your fears!

I will dry the tears from your face.

And put happiness in its place.

If you will be alone, I will be your shadow!

If you want a hug, I will be your pillow!

If you want to cry, I will flow from your grace!

If you want to be happy, I will glow on your face!

My precious precious friend, I love you!

And I will never ever leave you!

If I be there for ever,

you would be too!

Together forever-

just me and you!

And soon will come a day,

When you will say,

With you my friend

All my sorrows started to end!

My Mother - My Hero

She is my angel,

Or rather an archangel.

She is my hero,All others in front of her are absolute zero.

But above all, she is my mother,

Whom I can compare with no other.

No matter, what she gets from me,

She has always one thing to give.

And that is her unconditional love.

My life is at her disposal,

Or else I am dead.

For any fault of mine,

She may scold.

But for my one simple smile,

She will let her universe to be sold.

When I am ill she stays up whole night,

Caressing my head, praying to give me strength to fight.

No-one can ever harm me,

When she is with me, all others just flee.

I don't remember how many times I have told her,

That I love her more than she knows.

But action speaks louder than words,

Thus she never shows.

And her unconditional care,

Means so much to me

It makes life a celebration.

Of love told in silent whispers.

And in this silence the truth resonates,

That I love her forever the most.

Being Indifferent

It was neither good,

Nor it was bad.

I was not on the groove,

I was not even sad.

The way he touched!

The way he moved!

The way he clutched!

The way he stood!

Didn't make any difference.

Lying there like a doll,

I was just showing my indifference,

in ever way he wanted to crawl.

I don't have any obsessiveness,

Nor do I have any possessiveness.

If he is not or if he is mine,

either way with me it is fine.

It's not just about him,

Everything in my life.

Hardly matters,

What around me gathers.

I tried to behave like a prude.

Learning to say "no",

I learned to be rude.

And always I let it go.

Did I not react,

Because I love him?

Or is it the fact,

That I am ready to leave him.

The reason yet to be explored.

Searching it I often get bored.

Again getting apathetic.

And to myself I am never sympathetic.

Why is it growing so fast,

In my life will it ever stop?

With this life I need a break,

Because everything in my eyes are fake.

Is something missing,

Or I am just satisfied?

Why am I reminiscing,

The moments I got criticized.

Its hard to live,

but its harder to die

I have nothing to give

except my cry.

With no purpose in life,

I am going on living it.

I hardly remember what turns me on,

And what turns me off.

I don't feel alone,

Nor I feel affectionately loved.

To this indifference I am always prone,

As if I am imprisoned to live.

My smile is lost.

My eyes are stained with tears.

I am ready to get my life back at any cost.

If I could ever overcome my fears.

Though I don't know what are my fears.

And for what reason my eyes are flooding me with tears.

Life is like a bird, you hold it tightly, it dies.

You hold it lightly it flies.

And as for myself I don't know if it died,

Or it flew aside.

Perfection is just an illusion,

From which I am suffering.

The only solution is seclusion

And I can get rid of this occurring.

I don't know,

Whats wrong with me?

What I am now,

And what I used to be!

Have to live as long as god wants me to.

Just waiting to die.

Will suffer every punishment, feeling blue.

And soon I will say good bye.

P.S. I have written this poem because the girl characterized in the poem was wandering around my mind ever since I can remember. I read a story somewhere (I don't remember), where this girl faced a lot of problems. She went on living being indifferent, very rarely she cried but every time, she cried, her cry was just showing that she is pretending to be indifferent but being indifferent about anything in real life is just near to impossible. And it hurts a lot sub-consciously. Her story and her condition appealed me to the bottom of my heart.